I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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