I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
