Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
