im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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