Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
