i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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