im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
