Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
