i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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