What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You can't special order awesome
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Randomize
