I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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