i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
