If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
