Having a random hookup so left but love u
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
