I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I understand Curling. That high.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
