Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
