Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Someone shattered a urinal.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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