I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
