Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
