The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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