you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
