I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
