I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
