i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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