hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
