I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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