Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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