So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
