I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
