haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
