hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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