Duck Duck Cougar?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
