Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
