I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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