You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
