Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
