he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
