The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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