i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
