you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
