I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
