Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
