Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
