i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
