"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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