So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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