i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
