how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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