you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
