If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
