I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
